Readers may kindly note that the incident described below has not taken place. This is pure imagination on my part.
As far as the dehydration and dislocated shoulder of Sonia Gandhi – two health issues – are concerned, I will prefer to take the clarification offered by Dr Desai of Khan surgery fame with much more than a pinch of salt.
Sonia Gandhi had been abroad multiple times to get mystery illnesses treated. Anyone in doubt, ask Dr Swamy.
Guesses about Sonia’s health would be hazardous for several persons’ lives – especially for someone like me. I ought to know. I am still suffering the aftermath of what her DMK flunkey regime did to me in 2010. And those crowing about press freedom from rooftops of India’s national capital are yet to lift a little finger about the issue. Well, I am past caring. I shall profusely thank anyone who puts a bullet through me as I have now realised that death is more welcome than life in this wretched world.
Nevertheless, I would be happy if my imagination [detailed below] does come true!
Congress representative: Madam Sonia Gandhi has sent this box of sweets … which mercifully only contain sweets … to greet the Prime Minister. You can make me eat any bit from this – to test that it isn’t poisonous.
Personal Private Secretary [PPS] to PM: We are indeed touched by this gesture as the lady is in hospital. On our part, we had sent the Defence Minister Parikkar to enquire about her health. How can I be of service to you?
Congress representative: May I first make a few points to justify my request?
PPS: Go ahead.
Congress representative: We cooperated with you in the GST bill’s passage in the Rajya Sabha. Soniaji has ordered Rahul to pipe down on the anti-PM comments. We allowed the BJP to walk over us in Assam this year. We couldn’t do much for you indirectly in West Bengal, but it was our splitting the anti-Mamata vote that helped you win 3 seats – 2 more than last time. In Kerala too we did the same, helping BJP gain 16% votes by sacrificing our own. In a humble way, we helped Modiji save his face after the Delhi and Bihar debacles.
PPS: Of course, one can also see the huge humility factor in Rahul raking up the non-issue of the movie in Punjab against us, the anti-Dalit slur against the BJP by whipping up passions against the Gujarat government over the attack on Dalits. Then there were those wonderful incidents in JNU when Rahul supported separatist enemy agents. I can go on and on. All those are incidents – to be considered as apposites of humility with a capital H.
Congress representative: Your sarcastic humour quotient is touching! That was purely an act of balancing the books. The BJP raked up matters pertaining to Congress selling India down the Indus to Pakistan. Yet, after Raj Nath’s recent visit to Pakistan for the SAARC do, one of our better known leaders and the most free servant of the people and the Prophet – Ghulam Nabi Azad praised the stand of the NDA regime in the Rajya Sabha the other day. Further let us not forget that your government viciously attacked Soniaji’s son-in-law who is non-political, private citizen. We merely balanced the books.
PPS: Did you say, balanced the books? That is rich! You ought to be booked for having lost your mental balance. You had tried to rope in Mr Modi’s wife who lives a pious life after teaching school children for a lifetime. She isn’t involved in any politics. Her personal wealth is next to nothing. On the other hand, if some reports are to be believed, Vadra has merely left 60% of Delhi ‘unpurchased’. Further some 30% and 40% of best properties abutting highways have been bought out in Rajasthan and Haryana respectively by Vadra and his gang. India is facing an uphill task with Pakistan because of all the mollycoddling of the Islamabad goons done during the UPA regime! The entire Congress party defended the poor, non-political private citizen Vadra. Those aren’t books, my friend. To coin a new term – to describe these situations – I would call them blooks.
Congress representative: Ha-ha-ha! This is the greatest joke I have heard in my entire lifetime. I agree with you completely, about this and admit these were mistakes.
PPS: Are you referring to your mentioning the balancing of books and/or the act of attempting to besmirch Mr Modi’s name under false pretexts and/or the other matters that formed part of the conversation thus far?
Congress representative: To be honest … I would alter my earlier sentences and truthfully say that all these unfortunate incidents were terrible mistakes.
PPS: Can you now come to the point please? You have soaped me so much that the metaphorical lather has started emerging from this building’s doors and windows. How can I be of service to you?
Congress representative: Following her debilitating sickness after her strenuous tour in UP, Soniaji plans to undergo treatment abroad with her children, grandchildren and the son-in-law in tow to attend to her needs. Because of the delicate nature of Soniaji’s health, we request you to go easy on the probes against Vadraji on the one hand and not prevent the Congress President or her relatives from their foreign trips.
PPS: You are tripping on factual information, my friend. She is free to go abroad anyway, any day. None has issued any watchout for her passport or for that matter – anyone in the Nehru-Gandhi clan. Some amongst us have been accused of allowing scofflaws like Mallya to slip out – by jokers in your party – just like you had reportedly done in Lalit Modi’s case at the end of the last decade. Is there a corresponding part to what I would call a clear quid pro quo or are you doing all this for the good of the nation – like the Westland Deal?
Congress representative: I am authorised to state that we will give you the entire evidence to blow the careers of all those in the Congress who killed a huge number of Sikhs in 1984 sky high.
PPS: Most of them lost them have volunteered to go to prison anyway. Anyway regimes in Italy and other nations in Europe have passed on much more sensitive information to us that your silly offer.
Congress representative: We will give you all the secret Swiss Bank account numbers of all those within the Nationalist Congress Party, Dravida Munnetra Kazhagam, All India Anna DMK, Samajwadi Party, Bahujan Samaj Party, Rashtriya Janata Dal, Janata Dal United, Shiv Sena, Maharashtra Navnirman Sena and finally some of the little known members of the communist parties in India. The bonus will be the other personal files and details of two unsporting sport administrators – Lalit Modi, Vijay Mallya and Zakir Naik. You can use them and bring both of them back to India to face the music.
PPS: Firstly, I do not believe whether these parties’ personalities have such accounts in foreign countries at all. But, even if they do, the whole thing is immaterial. All of them have become burnt out match sticks in political terms. As for Lalit, Vijay and Zakir we weren’t born yesterday. All of us know what the trio can do jointly, severally and/or invidivually. Those in the BJP would get hurt as much as those in the Congress do. We are merely copying your tactics to buy time to fix them when the time is ripe. This offer is even sillier than the earlier one.
Congress representative: This is as far as I can go, sir. But, Soniaji has enquired to find out what you would like … to you know …
PPS: The only meaningful thing would be the complete list of all the secret account holders from India – regardless of party affiliations – with their current passwords. And on top of that list would be Soniaji. Mr Modi is not naïve to think that by merely getting the list, the money would come back to India. The money and/or their owners may never come back to India even after we expose the list you are dangling before us … that is … if you are in possession of such a list at all.
Congress representative: I will have to check on this with Soniaji and will come back.
The person leaves.
Modi’s voice from the intercom:
Do you have a perfect audio-visual recording of this conversation?
Release it in two or three days. What did the fool think he was doing?
But we may never get the list then, sir!
The list is already with that fellow Dr Swamy. If something could have been done, would that former agent of Rajiv Gandhi have not done it? Throw the so-called Congress schmuck to the wolves. And before doing that, send a copy of this recording to not only Dr Swamy, but also all the political and other parties mentioned by the chap.
What good will that do sir?
All the parties are making a beeline towards us anyway – except the commies. Many of them will give us ‘unstinted’ and ‘unconditional’ support as part of National Democratic Alliance or from outside. We found that out during the GST vote. When this audio visual presentation reaches them, there will be less disturbance in parliament and we can take care of governance matters even in the Rajya Sabha. Further, let us admit it, the black money return slogan in 2014 has proved to be a dud. Besides, if Sonia leaves and decides not to comeback, it would be good riddance.
But … taking support from some of those parties … will be politically incorrect, sir.
Don’t be naïve, young man. We got Yeddy into our fold and as a result – won a few more seats in Karnataka. Now, none will talk about his corruption. Victory in elections is the Ganges that washes off all sins of corruption.
After Modi hangs up, the PPS mutters sotto voce: No wonder the Ganges has now morphed into a dirty gutter. Its clean up is a dirtier scandal!
The Congress representative stops his black SUV alongside the banks of Jamuna – a little later, extracts a mobile phone and dials 14 digits starting with 00.
Seeing himself connected, he starts speaking:
As-Salaam-Aleikkum, Khan Saab! I have left the sweet box in the room sir. The poisonous aroma will begin spreading in some 10 minutes. The poison will begin acting immediately. Depending on persons’ body metabolism, in a few months, the residue will kill all those in that safe house.
A police officer on secondment to RAW hears this in his headset, rushes into the PPS’s room removes the box hurriedly even as another colleague explains the situation.
Wherever that skunk is, arrest him!
Modi [from the intercom]
You do not have to.
The PPS and the RAW officer look at each other without comprehending the situation.
Meanwhile, the so-called Congress representative flings the mobile phone into the Jamuna, gets into his SUV and drives away.
Twenty seven minutes later, the PPS sees breaking news on television.
Announcer: A few minutes ago, a black SUV suddenly burst into flames as it was being driven through the trans-Jamuna area of Trilokpuri, hit a divider and came to a grinding halt. Within a minute, the car and its solitary occupant were reduced to cinders.
Modi [to RAW officer within 7 RCR]
Send a message to the man from ISI to pull a better trick next time. And mark a copy to the flunkey in Soniaji’s entourage who – we think – is passing on ISI messages to her.
The PPS calls Modi.
Sir, we may never know the id of who came sir.
It isn’t important now. And then we do not know who we are … or for that matter who Soniaji is! Did that busybody journalist fellow from the south not point to the unanswered questions about Rajiv’s murder and Chidambaram’s secrets? I am sending you the links for the sake of general knowledge. Read them and twiddle your thumbs just as I do.